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its official: i hate myself! - strvin4perfect
strvin4perfect
strvin4perfect
its official: i hate myself!
i am so disgusting. i haven't lost enough weight and it is making me so mad. i started dieting pills and i dunno if they're helping but i hope they will. everything i eat is gross. plus i haven't been able to not eat. tomorrow my goal is to not eat any dinner or anything after that.

breakfast will be healthy and have bread, fruit and dairy or i could just have a 90 cal breakfast bar and those dieting pills. if i do that then i should probably have some fruit and a couple of nuts and a glass of milk. in total a bit over 200 cals because fruits are neg. cals so then i won't be gaining anything plus the milk has a billion nutrients i need.

i should have a 110 cal powerbar for lunch along with fruit and dieting pills and water!

snacks i will have fruit or nuts (unsalted).

i really don't want to eat dinner. if i don't do anything tomorrow night that could possibly involve food than i won't have to worry. maybe i will just go to bed early and fake sick.

I NEED THIS.
I NEED PERFECT.
I NEED THIN.
I NEED SKINNY.
I NEED BEAUTIFUL.

i went to mcdonalds and had ice cream. i want to shoot myself. i am such a fat ass. i mean hello.... MCDONALDS! FAT-ASS HEAVEN!

i did go to the grocery store and buy everything that tastes good that is low cal. so i will always have low cal. stuff to eat. i need to put a red string back around my wrist. i'll have to put it on my ankle though cuz i think my mom knows what it means. i'll just draw one in permanent marker around my wrist....

i need to fix myself and i need to work out. i always see these fat-ass ugly girls and i know that if i gain even one more pound i'll end up looking like that. right now at 10:54 p.m. in MN after eating icecream at 9:30-10:00 and eating every meal(large!!!) today i weigh 122 gross 1b.s. I'm leaving for Australia on monday so i need to be able to avoid food at all costs while i am over there. thankfully i won't have time to stop wherever i want to and buy food so this could be a good thing for me...i want to lose at least 2 lbs while i am over there. i am there for 18 days so if i can lose at least 2 lbs...maybe 5 i'll be in good shape. (meaning i lose it from the 122 i weigh right now)

MODEL TIME! I NEED SOME THINSPIRATION! im going to go look at pictures right now but i'll try to update before i leave.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Current Mood: disgustingly fat

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